just me and the Lord.

yep. i knew it.

+ + + + + 

Dear friends of this academy
Romeo is bleeding to death
To see a friend bleed to death, what for
Some kind of metaphor that I cant see?
So I'll drink until I see it.

This sky will make me sick
So I'll give up on you
I'll give up on this
This sky will make me sick
So I'll give up on this
I'll give up on you.

Archers in your arches
Raise your fingers for one last salute
And bleed this skyline dry
Your history is mine

So you want to hold me up and bring me down
Yes, you want to hold me up and break me down.

+ + + + +

when i called out for help there was no one there to hold me or to tell me it was okay. that's why i've always had to pull myself through. it's always hurt. but i've had to learn people don't really know what compassion and understanding is. humans are selfish and it's no excuse to say it's a flaw that makes them imperfect. maybe humans should try and fix their flaws instead of giving in to them.  

my biggest fear isn't that i will meet my maker and be ashamed of what i've done on earth. i'm afraid i'm going to leave this earth and still be alone. i've always been the girl the boys laughed at and made fun of. i still am. never had a guy that liked me. and i'm afraid when i grow up it will still be the same. people say that it'll be different when i'm older. that guys will realise that looks aren't what's important. that one day the people who bullied me, teased me and made me lonely and miserable will see where i am in life and regret they hadn't been nice to me. people just say these things to try and make me happy and hopeful. but i know the truth. it's always been the same. why would it change?

it's not supposed to work for me. i've come to terms with it. i may like a guy but what reason would he have liking me back? i don't have anything appealing/unusual/unique about me that another girl doesn't already have. what would he think if he found out i liked him? 

free agency is the best gift given to mankind yet it is the most torturous and cursed.

don't think i'm negative. don't think i'm pessimistic. i'm realistic.

don't think i'm depressed. don't think i'm suicidal. this is just my way of explaining it all. i'll get over it. tomorrow i'll be back to my normal cheery old self. don't worry about me.

wake me up when the reality has ended.

just me and the Lord.